rhymes with "papaya"

justwallpaper @ 2009-06-21T17:11:00

2009-06-21T21:13:20Z

I took my grandmother's thimble. She's dead, so it's not like she's going to miss it; no one else but her used her sewing bowl, so I figured there wasn't any harm, and I needed one, anyway. I felt a little guilty, even so, and briefly considered taking the Monopoly thimble token instead -- would it fit on my finger? It might work just as well -- but decided that was silly.

justwallpaper @ 2009-06-13T12:36:00

2009-06-13T16:37:16Z

Friends cut. I only really cut people who don't seem to have updated in quite a long time. If I've made a terrible mistake, let me know.

justwallpaper @ 2009-06-12T19:56:00

2009-06-12T23:57:05Z

I go back and forth between deciding to be more social and deciding to be less social. But I suppose either is an artificiality, and I should just let things be.

I got a job as a part-time cashier at Johnny Rockets. The hours are awful: Thursday through Sunday evenings. Oh, well. A job's a job, right?

justwallpaper @ 2009-05-18T22:17:00

2009-05-19T02:18:03Z

WHO EVEN HAS THIS MANY BOOKS

SERIOUSLY

AUGHHHH

Spent most of today cleaning, again. The "living room" is nearly done. I like it better without a TV, I think. I'm glad it broke. I just can't for the life of me figure out where to put anything. I'm considering building furniture (tables etc.) out of books just to save space. Except of course when I actually needed a book, which is the point of having them, I'd have to disassemble the whole thing.

I want to cut my hair again. I know it's becoming kind of a disease, but I honestly can't stop this obsession with getting new haircuts. Probably it's all in my head, but part of me still thinks, secretly (or maybe not so secretly), that my hair's just been framing my face badly my whole life, and that I might just get it right this time. Or something like that.

Today I went in to the city to try to get a job with NYPIRG. The hours are 2 pm to 10 pm (major drawback). The job is essentially going out and talking to people, and their pay system pays you more for every person you get donations from / get to become a member. That kind of monetary carrot has always rubbed me the wrong way, and I don't know why. Probably it's because if every one-on-one interaction can potentially bring you immediate material benefits, that renders that one-on-one interaction so much more false. But then again, even if everyone were paid equally no matter how many people they ended up converting, every one-on-one interaction would only happen because you were hired to go out and do that, anyway. Often when it comes to morality, I can't actually articulate what it is that bothers me, and when I try to do so anyway, it doesn't hold up logically. More and more, though, I'm starting to trust that queasy feeling. Ethics are mental. Morals are instinctual. I think.

justwallpaper @ 2009-05-16T23:42:00

2009-05-17T03:43:42Z

I'M HOME!

finals are OVER
all work is OVER

things I can now do:
read books
write letters
watch movies
go places
etc.

yay

justwallpaper @ 2009-05-12T14:27:00

2009-05-12T18:33:54Z

Things are looking up. Ish. I think what happened is that last week I kind of hit rock bottom, and there's really nowhere else to go but up. Which is a good thing. Humans are infinitely adaptable. Time marches on, et cetera, et cetera. Or: I'm a lot more content than I've been lately. I don't even really want to go home right now.

On the other hand, this could also be a bad sign. It's entirely possible that I've been so cheerful lately because I've been rebuilding all of my stupid fantasies, intellectual and personal, that were ripped to shreds the week before. I don't know. I guess if it keeps me happy?

justwallpaper @ 2009-05-05T12:47:00

2009-05-05T16:47:49Z

Pull yourself the fuck together.

justwallpaper @ 2009-04-26T09:20:00

2009-04-26T13:37:08Z

Last night was hilarious. This campus is way too fucking small. There's nothing quite like deciding to go out and dance with your friends and forget everything, and ending up dancing next to the very person whom you're trying to forget, because Paces really is that goddamn tiny. "Hello! We had a very emotional talk just an hour or so ago. What's that? Ah, yes! No one on the corner has swagger like us indeed, sir."

When I read Northanger Abbey last semester, way back in the beginning of the year (when college was still new), I came across a passage that I thought would be good to have on my wall, so I copied it onto a piece of notebook paper, ripped it out, and taped it up right underneath my map. This is what it says:

"But now you love a hyacinth. So much the better. You have gained a new source of enjoyment, and it is well to have as many holds upon happiness as possible."

things that make me happy:

- cleaning my room (strange but true)
- writing
- orange juice
- daffodils
- videos of baby pandas
- Arrested Development
- Danny Cramer
- monologuing to Stephen endlessly about my personal life
- "Peacebone"
- the breeze
- dancing
- almonds
- the thought of summer, especially because that means I'm going home

Last night, when I saw Jessie and Tarini, I made my way over to them and, as Tarini took me aside and began to dance with me, I screamed, "I'VE COME TO A RESOLUTION."

"WHAT?"

"I'VE COME TO A RESOLUTION."

"WHAT IS IT?"

"I'M GOING TO BE THE HAPPIEST PERSON ON THIS CAMPUS."

She smiled, I think. I can't remember.

justwallpaper @ 2009-03-10T22:03:00

2009-03-11T02:05:56Z

The temptation to build my identity around a place is too strong. I'm going to end up moving from city to city to city, always convinced that the next one will solve everything.

All in all, New York is pretty rad. I do love it. I love it so much it hurts sometimes, as ridiculous as it sounds to say something like that about a city. But as soon as I relax, I start thinking about all of the possible alternate lives in all of the other cities, all of the existences that I'm missing.

justwallpaper @ 2009-03-09T09:01:00

2009-03-09T13:02:35Z

things I hate:
heavy luggage
that one fucking MGMT song god damn

things I like:
saving vikings

justwallpaper @ 2009-02-16T16:48:00

2009-02-16T21:48:46Z

War and Peace: still large.

justwallpaper @ 2009-01-29T21:46:00

2009-01-30T02:46:11Z

War and Peace is very large.

justwallpaper @ 2009-01-22T14:18:00

2009-01-22T19:19:01Z

Stephen called me while I was at Sharples for dinner yesterday. "I hate it here," I said. "I want to go home."

(I don't really. It's just -- )

justwallpaper @ 2009-01-14T22:02:00

2009-01-15T03:02:18Z

I can read ANYTHING after Eimi.

ANYTHING.

justwallpaper @ 2008-12-27T17:57:00

2008-12-27T22:57:50Z

things I don't like:
how short the days are
the bump on my head
how empty my house is right now

things I like:
Burt's Bees (hell yeah)

justwallpaper @ 2008-12-20T17:02:00

2008-12-20T22:05:03Z

And now I'm home. I piled all the blankets I could find onto my bed, curled up underneath them, and turned on my computer. It is freezing in this house; there is snow outside.

Well.

justwallpaper @ 2008-12-16T20:15:00

2008-12-17T01:16:08Z

I need to start coming to terms with things I don't like to admit to myself. I pride myself on being rational way more than I deserve.

justwallpaper @ 2008-12-16T11:19:00

2008-12-16T16:19:23Z

Chris Shea: "You've been so happy lately!"

justwallpaper @ 2008-11-11T22:59:00

2008-11-12T03:59:49Z

The French have a word for "the space between the bed and the wall."

justwallpaper @ 2008-10-29T22:25:00

2008-10-30T02:25:42Z

justwallpaper @ 2008-10-27T13:49:00

2008-10-27T17:49:45Z

Sharples food has made real food so much more delicious.

I skipped lunch today to work on my paper, and got a scone from Kohlberg so I wouldn't die; and this is the best fucking scone I have ever had. Even though it isn't.

justwallpaper @ 2008-10-18T20:39:00

2008-10-19T00:41:06Z

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

??????????

/

/

90% of my working vocabulary consists of repeating what the other person just said and making them the subject

eg.

"it's hot outside"

"YOU'RE hot outside"

shut up

I am eating ice cream and I am enjoying it very much. I go back to college tomorrow.

justwallpaper @ 2008-10-02T16:53:00

2008-10-02T20:53:53Z

Despite all of the odds, I think college has made me happier.

justwallpaper @ 2008-09-14T16:17:00

2008-09-14T20:18:09Z

SpellCheck wanted to change "Swarthmore" to "Sweat-shirt."

justwallpaper @ 2008-09-13T19:33:00

2008-09-13T23:35:29Z

This morning, in the bathroom:
Molly: That's a really cute outfit.
Me: Thanks!

Five hours later, in the bathroom again:
Molly: Hey, wait, you changed into another cute outfit. Two in one day?
Me: Yeah, I fell into a pond.

True story.